Why working hard is making you feel terrible with Tamu Thomas
Why working hard is making you feel terrible — with Tamu Thomas
Why working hard is making you feel terrible with Tamu Thomas
Having a ‘good work ethic’ is lauded in our society.
If you work hard, you’re praised. If you’re seen to be taking too many breaks or you’re not visibly slogging your guts out then you’re encouraged to feel bad. No one wants to be seen to be ‘lazy’.
But is having a ‘good work’ all it’s cracked up to be? Is there something more sinister lying beneath all that hard work that needs to be examined?
That’s the heart of my conversation with Tamu Thomas on this episode of The Show (Off).
Most of us spend our entire lives being told that working harder is the answer. More effort, more output, more value. Except if you look at the high rates of burn out, it’s not working, is it? And Tamu explains exactly why.
Tamu Thomas is a human flourishing specialist, keynote speaker, and mentor for emerging thought leaders. Her book Women Who Work Too Much, published by Hay House, is one of the best things I’ve read in years. She helps high-performing women and future-focused organisations reshape the way they work so that ambition, wellbeing, and performance can coexist without somebody ending up on the floor.
I first met Tamu at Atomicon and the buzz before she even walked into the room was like nothing I’d experienced at a conference before. You’ll hear me attempt to describe it on the video and fail!
Work that develops us, not depletes us
One of the things I picked out from Tamu’s work is that she believes we should be aiming for work that develops us, not deplete us. Hard work can be good for you, but only if you’re working in the zone that challenges you, not runs you ragget.
Tamu is aiming to dismantle the unhelpful rhetoric around being as productive at work as you possibly can be. Being exhausted at the end of the day shouldn’t be normal. And it’s not sustainable.
She’s specifically talking about people who have studied, trained, built careers or businesses — people who were promised that if they worked hard enough, they’d earn freedom and flourishing. And yet, the freedom never quite arrives because we give everything to work and then try to run our lives, our relationships, our health on whatever’s left over. Which, by that point, isn’t much.
The way it works at the moment accident
During our conversation, I described our over-working, over-functioning culture as ‘crackers’. As in, isn’t it daft that we know all this stuff about physiology and the mind-body connection and we’re still operating like it’s 1955? Tamu corrected me.
It’s not a silly mistake, it’s by design.
Systems, inc. employers, governments, economies, rely on our participation. And they work best when we’re just tired enough not to question things too loudly. Particularly for women, where expressing rage is still taboo. So instead we suppress it, go anxious, go quiet, or tell ourselves to think positively.
The antidote, Tamu says, is to start asking: What actually matters to me? What kind of life do I want to look back on? When enough of us ask that and start making different choices, the power structures have to listen.
From concrete boots to Hay House
Tamu left school with two GCSE passes. She was later diagnosed with ADHD. But growing up in the 80s and 90s, nobody had that language. She just knew she had potential that wouldn’t translate onto paper, that it felt like wearing cement boots while everyone pointed at where she should be going.
So she compensated by making herself indispensable. People pleasing. Volunteering for everything. Toxic productivity became, as she puts it, her jam.
She ended up working in the music industry (even though she couldn’t have cared less who got the number one, her words), then became a social worker because she saw that there was training on the job rather the exam oriented learning in traditional universities. Then she burned out. Properly, significantly, for around seven years. It came to a head with a panic attack on the way to court where she was due to be an expert witness.
The GP suggested medication but she could sense that medication wasn’t going to fix a behavioural pattern. So she went on her own learning journey. Positive psychology, somatics, neurobiology. She started noticing that everywhere she looked, women were doing what she’d been doing. Giving everything, running on empty, and calling it ambition.
She realised it wasn’t personal. It was systemic. So she set up a business and started writing about it.
Tamu the got a column in an independent magazine and then got spotted by an agent who asked if she’d thought about writing a book. And that’s how Women Who Work Too Much happened!
The relatability trap (and why you should step out of it)
Tamu works with clients she describes as ‘very clever, experienced, charismatic people’. People who have so much richness in their thinking that it overwhelms them and they don’t know what to do with it.
She helps them distil it into what she calls a Big Idea; the overarching principle that underpins everything, and then builds thought leadership around it including speaking topics, messaging, frameworks, books.
She also helps people get out of what she calls the relatability trap. Lots of people have built their presence trying to be everyone’s friend online, trying to replicate what influencers do and being largely inoffensive. Tamu helps them make a different move: stepping into being the remarkable, authoritative person they actually are. Trustworthy, worth booking and worth reading.
She also talks about the comparison spiral and her practical fix for it: she mutes people she admires when she catches herself comparing herself to them. Then drops by their profile every now and again to like their posts, so she can get that injection of inspiration them and support her favourite creators.
Tamu also recommends getting out of your bubble and widening your spectrum of inspiration. Look at musicians, artists, writers outside your industry. This eclectic mix of what piques your interest can be what stops you becoming a carbon copy of everyone else in your industry.
“Have the confidence to be the youest you you can be.”
Which, in a nutshell is why I wanted her on The Show (Off)!
Booked (Tamu’s free private podcast)
If any of this is landing for you, Tamu has a free private podcast called Booked, aimed at senior professionals and subject matter experts who are tired of letting opportunities pass them by. It’s practical, it’s actionable, and someone who listened to it recently pitched to the press and landed features in both the i paper and the Sunday Times. Worth a listen.
Connect with Tamu:
- Buy Women Who Work Too Much
- Listen to Booked (free private podcast)
- Find Tamu on LinkedIn
- Follow Tamu on Instagram
And while you’re at it, why not connect with me on LinkedIn here.
And find out more about my offer positioning and messaging services here.
Liked this episode? Have new ones plop freshly in your inbox every time they’re made!
Sign up for future Show (Off) episodes here:
Timestamps:
00:00 Show Off Intro
00:09 Meet Tamu Thomas
00:53 Atomicon Buzz Story
02:20 Human Leadership Style
03:45 Work Should Not Deplete
07:12 Capitalism And Burnout
11:30 Tamu Origin Story
15:14 Burnout Wake Up Call
17:09 From Recovery To Book
18:57 Resilience And Next Steps
22:19 Client Work And Thought Leadership
25:40 Booked Podcast And Authority
27:36 Social Media Comparison Trap
29:43 Wrap Up And Subscribe