Vicky Quinn Fraser on why your voice matters more than you think
Why your voice matters more than you think — with Vicky Quinn Fraser
When I booked Vicky Quinn Fraser for The Show (Off), I wasn’t just inviting a guest. I was inviting the woman who helped me write my book. So yes, I’m biased. She’s ruddy amazing and I will not be taking questions!
Vicky is the founder of Moxie Books and she helps people share their voice and message in the format of their own book(s). She’s also the author of How the Hell Do You Write a Book? And if that wasn’t enough, she does standup comedy. As an AuDHD woman. On actual stages. In front of actual people.
She is, in short, someone who is very much doing herself on purpose. Which is exactly why I wanted her on my show.
The world is in chaos. Create anyway.
One of the things I love about Vicky’s online presence is that she doesn’t shy away from the state of the world and she refuses to let it be an excuse for silence. I don’t know about you, but that’s something I needed to hear!
Creating beautiful things, using your voice, sharing your work; it’s not frivolous. It’s not silly. In fact, Vicky argues it’s an act of revolution. When the media is designed to make us feel hopeless, the most radical thing we can do is keep creating, keep connecting, and keep showing up.
She put it perfectly: you can be really, really angry about what’s going on in the world and still make beautiful things. In fact, the only way we change things is to do exactly that.
“Just ignore her, she’s seeking attention.”
I threw one of Vicky’s own LinkedIn posts back at her in this episode. She’d written: “Just ignore her, she’s seeking attention. Yes. Yes, I am. Because I have bills to pay, a life to live. And, oh, something important to share.”
I love that. But I also know that the bit most people stumble over is that last part; ‘something important to share‘. Because so many of us aren’t sure if what we have to say is ‘worthy’ enough.
Vicky’s take? Social media distorts everything. It amplifies the loudest, most extreme voices and makes us feel like if we can’t contribute something earth-shattering, we might as well stay quiet. But real life isn’t like that. Real life is people just getting on with things, trying to live well, looking for a bit of connection and hope.
Your “little” voice is part of the bigger picture. Every tiny thing we say and do feeds into something larger. And as Vicky points out; she wrote that LinkedIn post three weeks ago and she’d entirely forgotten about it, and then I went and quoted it back to her on this show. You genuinely never know who’s reading.
Learning in public (and going deaf on stage)
Vicky started doing standup comedy to help people understand what it’s like inside the head of a middle-aged autistic woman. The gap between how she appears on the outside and what’s actually happening on the inside. She wanted to make a connection. And she wanted to be honest about the things she struggles with that other people don’t see.
She describes going completely deaf on stage- presumably because of the adrenalin! While she’s up there, she’s unable to hear whether people are laughing or not. But the thing that keeps her going isn’t the power trip of getting a room full of people to laugh. It’s the person who comes up quietly afterwards and says thank you. I don’t feel quite so alone now.
That’s what happens when you put your content out there too. When you share your stories. When you write that post you’re not sure about. You don’t get to decide how it lands. You just get to offer it up as a gift.
Finding your people (and your field in Herefordshire)
Vicky spent a long time feeling like ‘an alien in a skin suit, trying to pass as a real human’. School was hard. Making friends was hard. She ate her sandwiches in the library reading about unsolved mysteries.
It wasn’t until she got her autism diagnosis, and found her people in an aerial and pole studio in rural Herefordshire (where apparently everyone is neurodivergent), that things started to shift. Suddenly the exhaustion made sense. The difficulties made sense. And with that understanding came a much kinder relationship with herself.
She also talks beautifully about curiosity being the answer to everything. Why does this thing feel so hard? Why do I need external recognition for cleaning the bathroom? (Asking for a friend…)
In summary, this is what we cover in this episode:
- Why creativity is a revolutionary act, not a frivolous one
- What to do when you feel like you don’t have anything important to say
- How Vicky got into standup comedy, what she’s learned, and why she goes deaf on stage
- Her journey to understanding her autism diagnosis.
- Why labels can be liberating, not limiting (but her dream is still to not have anyone ‘diagnosed’ with anything in future.)
- The gradual, messy, non-linear process of learning to be yourself
Connect with Vicky
Want more Vicky? Here are ways to connect with her and find out more about what she does:
- LinkedIn: Vicky Quinn Fraser (where she spends far too much time, by her own admission)
- Instagram: @tinybeetlesteps — mostly stories, and potentially becoming her standup account
- Email list — Notes in the Margin: Head to moxiebooks.co.uk and scroll down to sign up. It’s a weekly goodie bag of interesting things: history, psychology, Black history, and genuinely joyful stuff. Be warned: the Friday edition is a rabbit hole. Do not open it unless you have time to disappear.
And while you’re at it, why not connect with me on LinkedIn here. And find out more about my offer positioning and messaging services here.
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Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome to Show Off
00:12 Meet Vicky Quinn Fraser
00:56 How to Write a Book
02:34 Creativity Is Human
03:50 Create Amid Chaos
06:10 Your Voice Matters
09:16 Standup and Being Seen
11:38 Autism on Stage 1
3:34 Owning Who You Are
15:29 Finding Your People
16:27 Curiosity and Diagnosis
18:47 Neurodiversity and Inclusion
21:04 Notes in the Margin
22:43 Where to Connect
23:16 Thanks and Subscribe